after november 1st will have a better grasp of what's going on and i will be able to breath. between now and then i have to pack everything i own, find a moving company to move it, begin and finish my portfolio, and take complete control of the classroom for 20 consecutive days.
i hope that i don't fall into some sort of depression and i continue on strong. things with mike are only getting worse i guess i could say? i'm not really sure though because really it's the same behavior he's exhibited throughout the relationship. i guess i just thought that when faced with the possibility of losing me he would do some things differently. i guess that's the problem; he doesn't believe i'm really moving out. i think it will sink in when he sees me packing tomorrow.
i didn't expect a complete and sudden change, but i also didn't expect to be treated like this.
i wish i could close my eyes and when i opened them back up it would be november 2nd. instead, i'm going to have to take it one day at a time.
Sunday, October 19, 2008
Wednesday, October 15, 2008
what?
how did i end up here again? i know the answer to that, but really, how did i manage to do this again for the same exact amount of time?
i consider myself a pretty level headed, no nonsense kind of gal and i think most people that know me think the same thing about me...so then, how did i let myself settle into the same kind of situation where i feel undervalued, taken advantage of, disrespected... i have to admit i'm embarrassed that i have let somebody treat me so poorly without consequence, for a second time. i should have learned my lesson the first time.
i'm moving out. getting my own place. i don't know how this will all end up, but i am a firm believer that what is meant to be will be. one thing i do know for sure is that i made a choice that i will no longer be treated in a way that i do not deserve. i put the control of what happens to my feelings in my hands. it feels good.
i consider myself a pretty level headed, no nonsense kind of gal and i think most people that know me think the same thing about me...so then, how did i let myself settle into the same kind of situation where i feel undervalued, taken advantage of, disrespected... i have to admit i'm embarrassed that i have let somebody treat me so poorly without consequence, for a second time. i should have learned my lesson the first time.
i'm moving out. getting my own place. i don't know how this will all end up, but i am a firm believer that what is meant to be will be. one thing i do know for sure is that i made a choice that i will no longer be treated in a way that i do not deserve. i put the control of what happens to my feelings in my hands. it feels good.
Saturday, October 11, 2008
who knew?
i've reached my breaking point. i always find it strange how calm i am when i get to this point. of course, i feel scared as to what may happen, but i am prepared for the worst.
mike has tested me one too many times. i have spent the day looking for a new place.
i just got scared again.
my hope is that he will want to contine the elationship, but with a new focus and space. although, i know him too well to really think that that is what will happen. when i tell him that i am thinking about getting my own place he will
mike has tested me one too many times. i have spent the day looking for a new place.
i just got scared again.
my hope is that he will want to contine the elationship, but with a new focus and space. although, i know him too well to really think that that is what will happen. when i tell him that i am thinking about getting my own place he will
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