end the tendency to procrastinate. that's my motto for today. it even said so in one of my horoscopes. right after i finish this blog, and drink some coffee, i'll get right on that.
seriously, i'm going to clean the shit out of my house today. cleaning involves unpacking and organizing and taking things to salvation army, and actual cleaning. my car is still full of stuff from over a month ago. when i say full, i mean it. people can't sit in it. see, what happened was i filled it with the last load of stuff, and just left it there, never actually bringing it into my house.
Wednesday, December 17, 2008
Sunday, December 14, 2008
...
i'm so so sad. i can feel the depression taking a grip over me. i'm trying so hard not to let it happen. but i can't help but feel sad. i'm consumed with doubt. it literally makes me sick. i don't know what i want. i thought i was over the sudden waves of emotion, but i guess tonight is a hard one. if i could, i would literally sleep and sleep and sleep. i don't want to do anything. i don't know why this is all hitting me so hard right now.
to top it all of, i just wiped my tears with fingers that previously rubbed red pepper flakes. great.
to top it all of, i just wiped my tears with fingers that previously rubbed red pepper flakes. great.
Saturday, November 22, 2008
whatev
i just found out that my cousin, who is two years younger than me, and married, is having a baby in march. wow. instead of being happy for her, my initial response was that of absolute jealousy.
i hate that this is where i'm at right now.
i know it seems like this is all i think about, but it's really not. it's just moments like these that remind me that i'm not where i want to be in life at this juncture.
i just want to make it through the holidays and and get the job.
i might go take a nap. it's saturday and i'm allowed.
i hate that this is where i'm at right now.
i know it seems like this is all i think about, but it's really not. it's just moments like these that remind me that i'm not where i want to be in life at this juncture.
i just want to make it through the holidays and and get the job.
i might go take a nap. it's saturday and i'm allowed.
Tuesday, November 11, 2008
stay tuned boys and girls...
well, i got broken up with last night. by 8am he was begging that i give him another chance.
i had delivered the letter that i wrote him a month ago when i had made my decision to move out. i also added to the letter. i ended it with "You Suck!" i know, very mature of me, but the latest thanksgiving debacle kind of put me in that place where i no longer gave a fuck about his feelings. i'ma do me.
i delivered the letter after work and headed straight to happy hour. i had 3 pints at the first bar, then i went to the second bar. i didn't have to work today, so happy hour turned into binge drinking. as i was chatting it up with my old friend evan for about an hour, who happened to be at the bar, mike came up behind me. he had been looking for me, and found me. damn savannah! after he made evan feel sufficiently awkward for speaking with me he, evan, left the bar. mike proceeds to tell me that we need to talk, that he read my letter, that he's been crying for the last 3 hours,that we need to talk somewhere else. i said, "why? because you want to break up with me?" yup, that was it. i was wasted, he was sober. i told him all kinds of mean things, that i meant. he cried, i cried, at the bar. i left to go home and he followed me. asked me to please come here, whilst sobbing.
okay- i wrote the above entry this past wednesday. since then he randomly stopped by on thursday, after it was decided we wouldn't talk or see each other for a couple of weeks. i'm sure that he stoped by because he wanted to have sex and missed me, and he wanted to have sex. nope. he didn't get any. we went to get some drinks and then we parted ways. he informed me his plans of wanting to go to europe for a couple of months and i informed him of my plans to go to belize this summer for at least a month.
things are weird. one thing i know for sure is that i love him and i like our relationship when he is considerate and non selfish, and that is why i am still wanting to work things out, BUT i'm prepared to let things go if that is the way it should be.
these next few months are going to be the real trial period. if things don't significantly change in the next few months and then a gradual change from there on out, it's just not going to be.
at least he has realized that he "has to grow up" all on his own.
stay tuned boys and girls...
i had delivered the letter that i wrote him a month ago when i had made my decision to move out. i also added to the letter. i ended it with "You Suck!" i know, very mature of me, but the latest thanksgiving debacle kind of put me in that place where i no longer gave a fuck about his feelings. i'ma do me.
i delivered the letter after work and headed straight to happy hour. i had 3 pints at the first bar, then i went to the second bar. i didn't have to work today, so happy hour turned into binge drinking. as i was chatting it up with my old friend evan for about an hour, who happened to be at the bar, mike came up behind me. he had been looking for me, and found me. damn savannah! after he made evan feel sufficiently awkward for speaking with me he, evan, left the bar. mike proceeds to tell me that we need to talk, that he read my letter, that he's been crying for the last 3 hours,that we need to talk somewhere else. i said, "why? because you want to break up with me?" yup, that was it. i was wasted, he was sober. i told him all kinds of mean things, that i meant. he cried, i cried, at the bar. i left to go home and he followed me. asked me to please come here, whilst sobbing.
okay- i wrote the above entry this past wednesday. since then he randomly stopped by on thursday, after it was decided we wouldn't talk or see each other for a couple of weeks. i'm sure that he stoped by because he wanted to have sex and missed me, and he wanted to have sex. nope. he didn't get any. we went to get some drinks and then we parted ways. he informed me his plans of wanting to go to europe for a couple of months and i informed him of my plans to go to belize this summer for at least a month.
things are weird. one thing i know for sure is that i love him and i like our relationship when he is considerate and non selfish, and that is why i am still wanting to work things out, BUT i'm prepared to let things go if that is the way it should be.
these next few months are going to be the real trial period. if things don't significantly change in the next few months and then a gradual change from there on out, it's just not going to be.
at least he has realized that he "has to grow up" all on his own.
stay tuned boys and girls...
Sunday, November 9, 2008
i dunno
mike told me tonight that he isn't coming to texas for thanksgiving because he doesn't want to fly all the way to texas for thanksgiving and that it's too expensive.
just another example of selfish behavior. he has no problem paying for other trips. not this one though. he's had several months notice on this one by the way.
things are so weird. they are vague. we are together, but how do we act now? what are the expectations?
i'm just feeling so disenchanted. and so tired.
just another example of selfish behavior. he has no problem paying for other trips. not this one though. he's had several months notice on this one by the way.
things are so weird. they are vague. we are together, but how do we act now? what are the expectations?
i'm just feeling so disenchanted. and so tired.
Thursday, November 6, 2008
jazmin is
jazmin is... wishing she had had her first child at 27 and was already planning for the next, since she is 28.
that's what i really want to write in that damn space. that's what i really "is".
is that why i became a teacher? because really, all i've wanted my entire life is to have a brood of children?! oh my god. seriously, i just thought of that. what if that's why i decided to do this?
hm
just some thoughts
oh, and i have pink eye, in both eyes, presumably from one of those germy kids in my school.
that's what i really want to write in that damn space. that's what i really "is".
is that why i became a teacher? because really, all i've wanted my entire life is to have a brood of children?! oh my god. seriously, i just thought of that. what if that's why i decided to do this?
hm
just some thoughts
oh, and i have pink eye, in both eyes, presumably from one of those germy kids in my school.
what's meant to be will be
so, i'm in my new place.
tonight will be my third night. it's a difficult feeling to describe because it's not just one feeling. it's many.
i'm relieved not to be in the situation i was in. i'm also unsure of what will come next. sometime i don't really even know what i want next. right now i just play it day by day. it feels kind of exciting not to have to ask someone if they think it's okay if i hang this here, but at the same time i kind of miss it. this place still doesn't feel like home and i'm wondering when it will. it still kind of feels like i'm in a hotel. i'm wondering what kind of routine, if any, mike and i will settle into. i want a dog, but i know it's not the responsible thing to do since i'm planning on going out of the country for a month in about 6 months.
as far as career wise, things couldn't be going any better. it looks like i may go straight into a teaching position at the same grade level at my school. working there was my number one choice and i consider it my dream job. some unexpected changes have taken place and it looks like there is an opening that is perfect for me to slide right into. the principal asked me to get my things in to hr.
with everything that is going on in my life right now, there is one thing i can say for sure. it is all happening the way it is supposed to. i have never felt it so strong. this is the way it is all supposed to happen and the way it all ends up is what is best for me.
tonight will be my third night. it's a difficult feeling to describe because it's not just one feeling. it's many.
i'm relieved not to be in the situation i was in. i'm also unsure of what will come next. sometime i don't really even know what i want next. right now i just play it day by day. it feels kind of exciting not to have to ask someone if they think it's okay if i hang this here, but at the same time i kind of miss it. this place still doesn't feel like home and i'm wondering when it will. it still kind of feels like i'm in a hotel. i'm wondering what kind of routine, if any, mike and i will settle into. i want a dog, but i know it's not the responsible thing to do since i'm planning on going out of the country for a month in about 6 months.
as far as career wise, things couldn't be going any better. it looks like i may go straight into a teaching position at the same grade level at my school. working there was my number one choice and i consider it my dream job. some unexpected changes have taken place and it looks like there is an opening that is perfect for me to slide right into. the principal asked me to get my things in to hr.
with everything that is going on in my life right now, there is one thing i can say for sure. it is all happening the way it is supposed to. i have never felt it so strong. this is the way it is all supposed to happen and the way it all ends up is what is best for me.
Sunday, October 19, 2008
stay the course
after november 1st will have a better grasp of what's going on and i will be able to breath. between now and then i have to pack everything i own, find a moving company to move it, begin and finish my portfolio, and take complete control of the classroom for 20 consecutive days.
i hope that i don't fall into some sort of depression and i continue on strong. things with mike are only getting worse i guess i could say? i'm not really sure though because really it's the same behavior he's exhibited throughout the relationship. i guess i just thought that when faced with the possibility of losing me he would do some things differently. i guess that's the problem; he doesn't believe i'm really moving out. i think it will sink in when he sees me packing tomorrow.
i didn't expect a complete and sudden change, but i also didn't expect to be treated like this.
i wish i could close my eyes and when i opened them back up it would be november 2nd. instead, i'm going to have to take it one day at a time.
i hope that i don't fall into some sort of depression and i continue on strong. things with mike are only getting worse i guess i could say? i'm not really sure though because really it's the same behavior he's exhibited throughout the relationship. i guess i just thought that when faced with the possibility of losing me he would do some things differently. i guess that's the problem; he doesn't believe i'm really moving out. i think it will sink in when he sees me packing tomorrow.
i didn't expect a complete and sudden change, but i also didn't expect to be treated like this.
i wish i could close my eyes and when i opened them back up it would be november 2nd. instead, i'm going to have to take it one day at a time.
Wednesday, October 15, 2008
what?
how did i end up here again? i know the answer to that, but really, how did i manage to do this again for the same exact amount of time?
i consider myself a pretty level headed, no nonsense kind of gal and i think most people that know me think the same thing about me...so then, how did i let myself settle into the same kind of situation where i feel undervalued, taken advantage of, disrespected... i have to admit i'm embarrassed that i have let somebody treat me so poorly without consequence, for a second time. i should have learned my lesson the first time.
i'm moving out. getting my own place. i don't know how this will all end up, but i am a firm believer that what is meant to be will be. one thing i do know for sure is that i made a choice that i will no longer be treated in a way that i do not deserve. i put the control of what happens to my feelings in my hands. it feels good.
i consider myself a pretty level headed, no nonsense kind of gal and i think most people that know me think the same thing about me...so then, how did i let myself settle into the same kind of situation where i feel undervalued, taken advantage of, disrespected... i have to admit i'm embarrassed that i have let somebody treat me so poorly without consequence, for a second time. i should have learned my lesson the first time.
i'm moving out. getting my own place. i don't know how this will all end up, but i am a firm believer that what is meant to be will be. one thing i do know for sure is that i made a choice that i will no longer be treated in a way that i do not deserve. i put the control of what happens to my feelings in my hands. it feels good.
Saturday, October 11, 2008
who knew?
i've reached my breaking point. i always find it strange how calm i am when i get to this point. of course, i feel scared as to what may happen, but i am prepared for the worst.
mike has tested me one too many times. i have spent the day looking for a new place.
i just got scared again.
my hope is that he will want to contine the elationship, but with a new focus and space. although, i know him too well to really think that that is what will happen. when i tell him that i am thinking about getting my own place he will
mike has tested me one too many times. i have spent the day looking for a new place.
i just got scared again.
my hope is that he will want to contine the elationship, but with a new focus and space. although, i know him too well to really think that that is what will happen. when i tell him that i am thinking about getting my own place he will
Monday, September 1, 2008
i'm hungry.
what should i eat? i really want something bad-like a cheese burger from b&d burgers. i'm also feeling too lazy to get off my ass to get the food. hmpf. what to do?
also, i don't want to see anybody in town. that's the problem with savannah. basically, you can't leave the house if you don't want to run into anybody. delivery? are food places open on labor day in savannah?
i had ambitious plans to completely clean out my studio room/candy's den today. i'm really not feeling the motivation. all three dogs need baths too. ugh.
i did nothing but consume massive amounts of calories since friday.
Friday:
mexican lunch (leigh/teacher bought it for me)
wine
dinner @ tantra lounge (b-day diner with mindy/a lot of food)
6 drinks and 2 shots
hot dog w/sauerkraut and mustard and i don't remember what else
Saturday:
peanut butter and jelly sandwich
milk
banana
starbucks frappucino thing
bakeable pizza
2 beers
Sunday:
waffles w/butter and syrup
coffee
taco bell
1 beer
fried rice
oreo blizzard
1 beer
oh my god! i can't believe myself! holy shit. it kind of sounds like i was on an all inclusive cruise or something.
maybe i shouldn't eat a cheese burger... what the hell else can i eat? i'm def. going to drink a beer...
also, i don't want to see anybody in town. that's the problem with savannah. basically, you can't leave the house if you don't want to run into anybody. delivery? are food places open on labor day in savannah?
i had ambitious plans to completely clean out my studio room/candy's den today. i'm really not feeling the motivation. all three dogs need baths too. ugh.
i did nothing but consume massive amounts of calories since friday.
Friday:
mexican lunch (leigh/teacher bought it for me)
wine
dinner @ tantra lounge (b-day diner with mindy/a lot of food)
6 drinks and 2 shots
hot dog w/sauerkraut and mustard and i don't remember what else
Saturday:
peanut butter and jelly sandwich
milk
banana
starbucks frappucino thing
bakeable pizza
2 beers
Sunday:
waffles w/butter and syrup
coffee
taco bell
1 beer
fried rice
oreo blizzard
1 beer
oh my god! i can't believe myself! holy shit. it kind of sounds like i was on an all inclusive cruise or something.
maybe i shouldn't eat a cheese burger... what the hell else can i eat? i'm def. going to drink a beer...
Sunday, August 31, 2008
chia on my mind
mindy and i re-painted my living room this weekend. i'm really enjoying the new look. it looks like a completely different house. i also rearranged some of the furniture. all of this happened whilst mike is out of the country. he has no idea i/we did this. i must say, he did agree to the color for the walls, but did not agree with moving the the furniture, and also he did not have a clue that the paining was going to happen this weekend. i can't wait to see his reaction. hopefully he won't beat me. :)
we had open house this past friday at work. i got to meet some of the parents and students that will be in the class. i'm really excited. we start this tuesday. i still can't believe that i'm a teacher. it feels like such a real job. savannah is so small.
i'm going to bed.
we had open house this past friday at work. i got to meet some of the parents and students that will be in the class. i'm really excited. we start this tuesday. i still can't believe that i'm a teacher. it feels like such a real job. savannah is so small.
i'm going to bed.
Saturday, August 23, 2008
eggs don't grow on plants
i think i may make some baba ganoush today. i've never made it. i'm going to see if the farmers market has eggplant first. if they don't have any then, that's a sign that i shouldn't bother.
there are a few things i need to do today.
i still haven't e-mailed either of my teacher's
i have to call meryweather
wash clothes
finish my made-from-scratch chocolate cupcakes with white chocolate filling
i should cut the grass too.
maybe i'll make the baba ganoush today so that we can have people over for dinner tomorrow. i'll make it a mediterranean night. who will i invite?
there are a few things i need to do today.
i still haven't e-mailed either of my teacher's
i have to call meryweather
wash clothes
finish my made-from-scratch chocolate cupcakes with white chocolate filling
i should cut the grass too.
maybe i'll make the baba ganoush today so that we can have people over for dinner tomorrow. i'll make it a mediterranean night. who will i invite?
Thursday, August 21, 2008
man, i'm hungry.
i'm feeling a little bit better today, although i did "sleep" on the couch. i just couldn't sleep.
my plans for today are to:
take shower
e-mail professor
call teacher about meeting
mail tax stuff
buy milk and toilet paper
do appraisal stuff
my plans for today are to:
take shower
e-mail professor
call teacher about meeting
mail tax stuff
buy milk and toilet paper
do appraisal stuff
Wednesday, August 20, 2008
stank walk
i went for a walk in the rain. i'm feeling stank today. i've decided not to analyze it and just take it for what it is...just one of those days.
along the way on my walk i snapped some photos of some of my favorite spots in the sav; gardens and houses and porches.
p.s. i finally figured out that all you have to do to add a photo is press the little button on the top of the template when you are writing. i promise i'm not an idiot. i just overlook things alot.
here i go...
the end.
along the way on my walk i snapped some photos of some of my favorite spots in the sav; gardens and houses and porches.
p.s. i finally figured out that all you have to do to add a photo is press the little button on the top of the template when you are writing. i promise i'm not an idiot. i just overlook things alot.
here i go...
the end.
man oh man
looking back at my recent blogs i realized that i want three things: a banjo, a scooter, and a new camera. which one should i ask my mom for? they are all pretty expensive things ranging from 250-3,000. i wonder if i can finance a scooter? i know! if i get the job at the school at the end of my student teaching i will see about financing a scooter, preferably a vespa. that will be my gift to myself. i think the banjo i can pull off myself too. so maybe the 1,000 dollar camera can be a gift from moms? i mean, she did want to buy me a 2,000 dollar book shelf that i said no to.
today i had a cupcake and coffee for lunch. fabulous.
it's pouring rain outside from tropical storm fay. maybe class will be canceled tonight. it is the first class of the semester and i already don't want to go. that's a great sign.
i'm about to be 28 years old in a few days. that's got me thinking..
today i had a cupcake and coffee for lunch. fabulous.
it's pouring rain outside from tropical storm fay. maybe class will be canceled tonight. it is the first class of the semester and i already don't want to go. that's a great sign.
i'm about to be 28 years old in a few days. that's got me thinking..
Tuesday, August 19, 2008
i want a scooter
today i met with the teacher that i will be student teaching under for the next 15 weeks starting next week. i liked her. she was down to earth and not annoying and believes in "bad energy". she actually talked about how she smudged her new classroom with sage to clear the bad energy. my kind of gal.
i also took candy to the vet. apparently she has a form of colitus. the doctor said she is not in pain although it would appear that way because of the amount of blood coming out with her stool. it looks like black cherry jam. the receptionist lady was this little frail looking girl that you can tell has relied on animal love her whole life. she just loooved candy and let her lick her despite my warnings of the putrid breath caused by the green teeth. her eyes were watering when i looked up from signing the bill. i guess i'm just used to the way candy looks. everybody else is either scared, grossed out, or has that girls reaction. come to think of it, maybe her eyes were watering from the smell...naw.
my birthday is coming up and i'm pumped. mike leaves the day after my birthday for a bachelor party in mexico. that means that mindy and i are going to paint my living room and drink mimosas during the day and party it up at night. i already have my party dress and shoes picked out, along with my new hair. excited!
i also took candy to the vet. apparently she has a form of colitus. the doctor said she is not in pain although it would appear that way because of the amount of blood coming out with her stool. it looks like black cherry jam. the receptionist lady was this little frail looking girl that you can tell has relied on animal love her whole life. she just loooved candy and let her lick her despite my warnings of the putrid breath caused by the green teeth. her eyes were watering when i looked up from signing the bill. i guess i'm just used to the way candy looks. everybody else is either scared, grossed out, or has that girls reaction. come to think of it, maybe her eyes were watering from the smell...naw.
my birthday is coming up and i'm pumped. mike leaves the day after my birthday for a bachelor party in mexico. that means that mindy and i are going to paint my living room and drink mimosas during the day and party it up at night. i already have my party dress and shoes picked out, along with my new hair. excited!
Monday, August 4, 2008
a banjo on my knee
camryn is here. we have one more week and then her and i fly to dallas. this is the best visit yet. she is having fun and so am i. yesterday we went out on mike's boat in the chechesee river. she crabbed for the first time, and so did i. we didn't use crab traps, we did it the old school way or as mindy said, the ghetto way, but it's the way mike did it when he was a kid. we tied raw chicken wings to string, that also had a weight tied to it, and dropped them in the water. when you feel a tug you slowly pull it up and someone else swoops the crab with a net. we ate them for dinner.
when the trip is up i think i'll post some pics from her stay.
i decided i'm going to learn how to play the banjo. i went to the musical instrument store and found out that they have a starter kit for 250. that includes a banjo and some picks and an instructional kit and i don't know what else. if i don't get it for my birthday, which i don't think i will since i specifically told mike not to get me one, i will get it myself.
i'm really nervous to start student teaching. i begin in a couple of weeks. just thinking about it made my stomach turn. the part i hate about it the most is that they come and observe me. i hate that shit. my stomach is turning.
i should go.
ps the u is missing from my key board. i'm pretty annoyed by it, but not enough to get it repaired-yet. it's been at least a month.
when the trip is up i think i'll post some pics from her stay.
i decided i'm going to learn how to play the banjo. i went to the musical instrument store and found out that they have a starter kit for 250. that includes a banjo and some picks and an instructional kit and i don't know what else. if i don't get it for my birthday, which i don't think i will since i specifically told mike not to get me one, i will get it myself.
i'm really nervous to start student teaching. i begin in a couple of weeks. just thinking about it made my stomach turn. the part i hate about it the most is that they come and observe me. i hate that shit. my stomach is turning.
i should go.
ps the u is missing from my key board. i'm pretty annoyed by it, but not enough to get it repaired-yet. it's been at least a month.
Saturday, July 19, 2008
juggernaut
i just like that word.
today has been an unexpected day of rest for me. it's not supposed to be happening, but i keep telling myself that i'll get to work very soon.
my day began with brunch at firefly with mindy. it was fantastic. we ordered blueberry pancakes and a greek omelet and shared both. oh, and of course mimosas. we sat outside and faced the square. it was nice. next, i came home and took a nap, for a long time. then i went to kroger to get some eggs. i have to make cascarones for my presentation on tuesday. i figured i should do something constructive. i'm supposed to be completing a unit today, but i guess since it's so late i'll just work on my presentation stuff.
i am so excited for next thursday to be here because that is when the fun begins. this semester will be over. i think karen and her husband and mike and i will go to dinner to celebrate. karen is a friend i have made through class. we really get each other. it's great. the only thing is that she lives in brunswick, about an hour away. then on friday the cleaning people come, then on saturday my mom and camryn come! yey!
i'm going to eat some cereal, play some billy holiday, and work on my presentation.
i haven't mentioned that for my presentation i'm dressing up as frida kahlo. i'm even going to draw in the uni brow. yesss.
today has been an unexpected day of rest for me. it's not supposed to be happening, but i keep telling myself that i'll get to work very soon.
my day began with brunch at firefly with mindy. it was fantastic. we ordered blueberry pancakes and a greek omelet and shared both. oh, and of course mimosas. we sat outside and faced the square. it was nice. next, i came home and took a nap, for a long time. then i went to kroger to get some eggs. i have to make cascarones for my presentation on tuesday. i figured i should do something constructive. i'm supposed to be completing a unit today, but i guess since it's so late i'll just work on my presentation stuff.
i am so excited for next thursday to be here because that is when the fun begins. this semester will be over. i think karen and her husband and mike and i will go to dinner to celebrate. karen is a friend i have made through class. we really get each other. it's great. the only thing is that she lives in brunswick, about an hour away. then on friday the cleaning people come, then on saturday my mom and camryn come! yey!
i'm going to eat some cereal, play some billy holiday, and work on my presentation.
i haven't mentioned that for my presentation i'm dressing up as frida kahlo. i'm even going to draw in the uni brow. yesss.
Thursday, July 17, 2008
i'm so excited!
i just can't hide it! i still have two more projects to do, but i can taste the end of all of this!!
i'm going to make it a point to go to the beach or pool everyday as soon as my mom leaves. she doesn't do beach or pool. while she's here we will walk around, eat well, and shop. that sounds like fun to me.
i should be working on my unit right now, but instead i'm procrastinating again. it's okay. it's still early.
so, my plants, flowers, and vegetables are looking awesome this summer. usually they tend to look pretty sad during the summer due to the extreme weather conditions, but for some reason they are thriving. nothing makes me happier. plants are one of the things i collect and try to practice restraint when around them at a store.
i'm going to see if mike brewed some coffee before he left. i think i smell some...
i'm going to make it a point to go to the beach or pool everyday as soon as my mom leaves. she doesn't do beach or pool. while she's here we will walk around, eat well, and shop. that sounds like fun to me.
i should be working on my unit right now, but instead i'm procrastinating again. it's okay. it's still early.
so, my plants, flowers, and vegetables are looking awesome this summer. usually they tend to look pretty sad during the summer due to the extreme weather conditions, but for some reason they are thriving. nothing makes me happier. plants are one of the things i collect and try to practice restraint when around them at a store.
i'm going to see if mike brewed some coffee before he left. i think i smell some...
Friday, July 11, 2008
my eyes hurt
i've been overwhelmed lately with school. my neck is a permanot from the stress. tonight i'm planning on beginning and completing 3-4 assignments, that way tomorrow i can work on 1 of three major projects that are due the week after next. my master plan is to do one a day. That means, one on saturday, one on sunday and one on monday. after that i can study for finals and wrap other assignments up, like stupid on-line discussions we have to do.
seriously, all i want to do is sleep, or maybe go to the beach and sleep.
my mom and camryn, my niece, get here in a couple of weeks. my mom leaves after a few days and leaves camryn here with me. this will be the third time camryn comes to visit me during the summer. i'm so excited for it. after her two weeks is up her and i fly back to dallas together and i hang out with moms for five days. i miss my mom. i want her near. oh, and then school starts again. this next semester will be a breeze compared to this one. i will only be taking one class, doing my student teaching thing, and doing my portfolio. i'm really excited about the student teaching portion because i got my first choice school. it's a public montessori school that gets rave reviews. my hope is that i get a job there after the student teaching is up.
all right, i guess i better stop procrastinating.
seriously, all i want to do is sleep, or maybe go to the beach and sleep.
my mom and camryn, my niece, get here in a couple of weeks. my mom leaves after a few days and leaves camryn here with me. this will be the third time camryn comes to visit me during the summer. i'm so excited for it. after her two weeks is up her and i fly back to dallas together and i hang out with moms for five days. i miss my mom. i want her near. oh, and then school starts again. this next semester will be a breeze compared to this one. i will only be taking one class, doing my student teaching thing, and doing my portfolio. i'm really excited about the student teaching portion because i got my first choice school. it's a public montessori school that gets rave reviews. my hope is that i get a job there after the student teaching is up.
all right, i guess i better stop procrastinating.
Tuesday, July 1, 2008
frustrations abound
okay, so alot's been going on. for one, i had to write mike a letter. yup, i've gotten to that point. basically what brought it on was the same sequence of events that always take place during one of our stand offs. same exact sequence. he does something that pisses me off, i get pissed, he acts like i'm crazy and makes excuses for what he did, i get more pissed, he makes it worse for himself by pissing me off further by staying out late and not calling me for example, i get more pissed, then i reach my breaking point and we talk about it and everything is fine until next time. although, every time this happens i get progressively more resentful and closer to my ultimate breaking point. writing a letter means i am very close. i don't want to be close. i just want him to get it.
so this morning we were discussing how he is spending the night in hilton head because he feels like hanging out with his friends that live there, so in my head i was making plans of my own. i asked him if he was going to spend the night and then hang out the next day, since he had his surf board, and he said no, that he was surfing today. then he asked me "why? are you going got miss me?" i shook my head back in forth, no. i meant it. he commented that the sad thing about that was that i wasn't kidding and my response was that i was used to it.
last night for example. he knows that every monday i don't have class and i cook dinner. i was walking to the grocery store around 5:30 to get stuff for dinner and i called him to see when he was going to be home. he was on his way from work to jamie's house to hang out. i asked him how long he was going to be there and he said an hour and that he would call me when he was leaving. i knew that was complete bull shit from all the past experiences, so i went to happy hour with mindy. i decided to nix dinner plans since i'm not going to wait around for him to call and then drop what i'm doing to make dinner according to his schedule. he called around 7:40 to let me know that he was coming home. that meant he wouldn't be home until around 8:30 since he was in hilton head. from what he told me originally he was supposed to be home no later than 7:30. i came home around 9 and he was wondering where i was etc. etc. these are the things i consider inconsiderate, all of it. he's not doing a good job at showing me that he understands. i'm frustrated in so many ways.
on to other more exciting things. i'm getting my couch and a chair recovered. i can't wait for it to be done! i may need to change my living room wall color now. we'll see once it's in here.
so this morning we were discussing how he is spending the night in hilton head because he feels like hanging out with his friends that live there, so in my head i was making plans of my own. i asked him if he was going to spend the night and then hang out the next day, since he had his surf board, and he said no, that he was surfing today. then he asked me "why? are you going got miss me?" i shook my head back in forth, no. i meant it. he commented that the sad thing about that was that i wasn't kidding and my response was that i was used to it.
last night for example. he knows that every monday i don't have class and i cook dinner. i was walking to the grocery store around 5:30 to get stuff for dinner and i called him to see when he was going to be home. he was on his way from work to jamie's house to hang out. i asked him how long he was going to be there and he said an hour and that he would call me when he was leaving. i knew that was complete bull shit from all the past experiences, so i went to happy hour with mindy. i decided to nix dinner plans since i'm not going to wait around for him to call and then drop what i'm doing to make dinner according to his schedule. he called around 7:40 to let me know that he was coming home. that meant he wouldn't be home until around 8:30 since he was in hilton head. from what he told me originally he was supposed to be home no later than 7:30. i came home around 9 and he was wondering where i was etc. etc. these are the things i consider inconsiderate, all of it. he's not doing a good job at showing me that he understands. i'm frustrated in so many ways.
on to other more exciting things. i'm getting my couch and a chair recovered. i can't wait for it to be done! i may need to change my living room wall color now. we'll see once it's in here.
Sunday, June 22, 2008
been a while
okay- so it's been a loong while since i've been here.
i was supposed to work on my research paper all day today. it's now 3:49 and i haven't even started to read the material that i'm supposed to write about. i didn't get out of bed until 10:30, then i talked on the phone until about 12:30, then I took a shower and went to lunch with mike and his mom. we just got back about 30 minutes ago and all i want to do is take a nap. i don't wanna be responsible.
our trip to nicaragua was pretty awesome. i'm still having random dreams that take place there. some of the things we did: zip line canopy tour, horse back riding, saved a drowning baby, held a monkey, had monkey vagina on my neck, watched a hurricane role through, paid some cops off-twice, ordered bean soup and it came with very hairy pork rinds floating in it, saw a lot of volcanoes, kayaked to some monkey islands. those are the things that came to mind. it really was a great experience. i can't wait to travel again.
i'm tired. i'm going to nap now.
i was supposed to work on my research paper all day today. it's now 3:49 and i haven't even started to read the material that i'm supposed to write about. i didn't get out of bed until 10:30, then i talked on the phone until about 12:30, then I took a shower and went to lunch with mike and his mom. we just got back about 30 minutes ago and all i want to do is take a nap. i don't wanna be responsible.
our trip to nicaragua was pretty awesome. i'm still having random dreams that take place there. some of the things we did: zip line canopy tour, horse back riding, saved a drowning baby, held a monkey, had monkey vagina on my neck, watched a hurricane role through, paid some cops off-twice, ordered bean soup and it came with very hairy pork rinds floating in it, saw a lot of volcanoes, kayaked to some monkey islands. those are the things that came to mind. it really was a great experience. i can't wait to travel again.
i'm tired. i'm going to nap now.
Sunday, May 11, 2008
hmm
today's a nice day. i'm sitting here, listening to billy holiday, cleaning up here and there, lighting candles, feeding my orchids, wearing comfy pants, contemplating the nicaragua trip...
i had a dream last night that i bought a new camera. this is something i really want to do this summer. speaking of creative endeavors, since i graduated from scad 3 years ago(weird) i've barely done anything creative. meaning, i haven't followed through on any projects. i haven't been in the right place to do anything, both mentally and physically. mindy and i have been talking about renting out a studio space and sharing it. i really want to do this. i need a place that is away from home. i don't like to work around people or distractions. i don't like to show works in progress. if she doesn't want to do it with me maybe i'll just get one myself. it's only 200 bucks a month.
i had a dream last night that i bought a new camera. this is something i really want to do this summer. speaking of creative endeavors, since i graduated from scad 3 years ago(weird) i've barely done anything creative. meaning, i haven't followed through on any projects. i haven't been in the right place to do anything, both mentally and physically. mindy and i have been talking about renting out a studio space and sharing it. i really want to do this. i need a place that is away from home. i don't like to work around people or distractions. i don't like to show works in progress. if she doesn't want to do it with me maybe i'll just get one myself. it's only 200 bucks a month.
Monday, May 5, 2008
sweeney todd
i watched it the other night and i EFING LOVED it! i had no idea what the story was about before hand and also i only like to watch musicals if it's in person and they are on a stage.
i just loved this movie. beautiful.
i just loved this movie. beautiful.
Saturday, May 3, 2008
bitchy?
sometimes i just wonder about humanity and the ability to wistand bullshit and the meaning of withstanding bull shit. and what is bull shit anyways?
ugh...
i'm pretty much pissed at the pizza delivery guy who just forgot my cheesey bread. i told him that i would give him the rest of the money when he came back with the bread. as soon as i got inside i felt so bad for him. he was a very nice, appologetic, older man, that drove up in his family hoopty. you can tell he's trying to make ends meet in an "honest " way. this is probably his weekend job. i added a dollar to his tip, bringing the tip to a grand total of 6 dollars. that's pretty good if you ask me. i still feel bad.
but, back to my problems. mike really disapointed me on thursday night. as a precursor; he is very jelous of anybody in my life, be it family or friends. mindy went to the sand gnats baseball game with us for thirsty thursday. first time she's hung out with the three of us. she has purposefully avoided it because she didn't want to be the third wheel. well, in the end he called her and i lesbians and continued to berate her while she sat in the back seat of the car on the ride home. disapointed/angry/sad... must i go on.?
i slept in my car after a very ugly and aggresive argument till abot 3am. then i snuck into the guest room. he called at around 4am wondering where i was and could i please call him. he called again at 5am and i answered, let him know i was in the guest room.
same shit over and over. am i too cynical? am i the bitch? i know that in this situation i am not, but am i generally just way too bitchy?
ugh...
i'm pretty much pissed at the pizza delivery guy who just forgot my cheesey bread. i told him that i would give him the rest of the money when he came back with the bread. as soon as i got inside i felt so bad for him. he was a very nice, appologetic, older man, that drove up in his family hoopty. you can tell he's trying to make ends meet in an "honest " way. this is probably his weekend job. i added a dollar to his tip, bringing the tip to a grand total of 6 dollars. that's pretty good if you ask me. i still feel bad.
but, back to my problems. mike really disapointed me on thursday night. as a precursor; he is very jelous of anybody in my life, be it family or friends. mindy went to the sand gnats baseball game with us for thirsty thursday. first time she's hung out with the three of us. she has purposefully avoided it because she didn't want to be the third wheel. well, in the end he called her and i lesbians and continued to berate her while she sat in the back seat of the car on the ride home. disapointed/angry/sad... must i go on.?
i slept in my car after a very ugly and aggresive argument till abot 3am. then i snuck into the guest room. he called at around 4am wondering where i was and could i please call him. he called again at 5am and i answered, let him know i was in the guest room.
same shit over and over. am i too cynical? am i the bitch? i know that in this situation i am not, but am i generally just way too bitchy?
Monday, April 28, 2008
juicifer
i got a juicer yesterday. i'm very excited about it. the only thing is that mike's mom lied to me. i asked her if it was easy to clean and she said yes. she said all you had to do was put the parts in the dishwasher. liar. i read the instruction booklet after i bought it and it said to only put it in the dishwasher "occasionally" on the top rack. basically it's saying to avoid putting it in the dish washer. oh well.
my mom came to visit this past weekend. we went to atlanta. it was great. we returned to savannah yesterday. i cooked dinner for her, mike, and i. grouper, black beans and rice, plantains, and tomato salad. i also made brownies with caramel for desert which we ate while we watched i am legend. i was not looking forward to the movie, especially after the first 15 minutes or so. will smith just isn't a good actor. you can tell that he takes himself seriously now too. he thinks he's good, and he's not. i ended up kind of liking it though, so whatever.
my mom came to visit this past weekend. we went to atlanta. it was great. we returned to savannah yesterday. i cooked dinner for her, mike, and i. grouper, black beans and rice, plantains, and tomato salad. i also made brownies with caramel for desert which we ate while we watched i am legend. i was not looking forward to the movie, especially after the first 15 minutes or so. will smith just isn't a good actor. you can tell that he takes himself seriously now too. he thinks he's good, and he's not. i ended up kind of liking it though, so whatever.
Saturday, April 19, 2008
yes mam
i can not contain my excitement for our trip to nicaragua! i'm trying not to think about it too much just so i can stay focused and finish this semester, which will be ending next week. yes!
today is going to be a nice relaxing saturday. brunch with mindy, then school work. that doesn't sound so relaxing, but it is because i can do things at my leisure. i'm tired of knowing exactly where i'm going ot be every moment of the day until i go to sleep. it's going to be weird in the fall when i'm working 1 job instead of 3 and not going to school at night. i'm sure i'll just adjust and complain about that too.
i like how when the kids at school do something bad i say 'no sir or mam'. the toddler class teachers say 'no thank you'. i thought that was kind of weird.
today is going to be a nice relaxing saturday. brunch with mindy, then school work. that doesn't sound so relaxing, but it is because i can do things at my leisure. i'm tired of knowing exactly where i'm going ot be every moment of the day until i go to sleep. it's going to be weird in the fall when i'm working 1 job instead of 3 and not going to school at night. i'm sure i'll just adjust and complain about that too.
i like how when the kids at school do something bad i say 'no sir or mam'. the toddler class teachers say 'no thank you'. i thought that was kind of weird.
Monday, April 7, 2008
there are consequences
this is what i wrote crazy in response to a letter she wrote me. it reminded me of what a child does when they get caught doing something wrong. of course they cry from the guilt, and then they appologize profusely after they realize what they have lost. i did that in middle school, but since now i'm 27, and so is she, it gave me more reason to not want to continue with her in my life. i'm too grown for this shit you heard?!
when i responded to you that i had nothing to say to you either, i meant it. i don't mean that in a bitchy way, i just have nothing else to say about the issue. what's done is done.
as you probably know by now, i'm not working in the classroom with you. i made that decision on tuesday when you said that you wanted to work that way for the next two months. i on the other hand did not, so i removed myself from the situation. i will still be working at the school and it is my hope that our interactions will be civil. i know that i am capable of that since that is what i wanted and tried for from the beginning.
i know it took alot for you to write that letter and apologize, so i wanted to thank you for that. i accept your apology, although i do not wish to continue our friendship. you don't seem to understand boundaries and how to respect them and that is something that is very important to me in a friend. i have had many experiences in life to know that if it happened once it will happen again in one way or the other.
i wish you the best of luck and i want you to know that i don't harbor any bad feelings towards you.
like i said, what's done is done, and sometimes there is just no turning back.
jazmin
when i responded to you that i had nothing to say to you either, i meant it. i don't mean that in a bitchy way, i just have nothing else to say about the issue. what's done is done.
as you probably know by now, i'm not working in the classroom with you. i made that decision on tuesday when you said that you wanted to work that way for the next two months. i on the other hand did not, so i removed myself from the situation. i will still be working at the school and it is my hope that our interactions will be civil. i know that i am capable of that since that is what i wanted and tried for from the beginning.
i know it took alot for you to write that letter and apologize, so i wanted to thank you for that. i accept your apology, although i do not wish to continue our friendship. you don't seem to understand boundaries and how to respect them and that is something that is very important to me in a friend. i have had many experiences in life to know that if it happened once it will happen again in one way or the other.
i wish you the best of luck and i want you to know that i don't harbor any bad feelings towards you.
like i said, what's done is done, and sometimes there is just no turning back.
jazmin
Monday, March 31, 2008
DING DONG THE FUCKING BITCH IS DEAD!
i haven't written about this yet, but there has been a little infuriating situation going on in my life...
while i was away at my grandmother's funeral, keara, the teacher i teach with and girl that has decided to try to appropriate my life as hers, decided to call my boyfriend to see if he wanted to go bowling on sunday.
well, he saw through her intentions, and didn't go and also told me about it immediately. i returned on tuesday to several calls and text messages that continued through out the entire week. we didn't work because it was spring break. i respond a couple of times via text with short answers. she continued to hound me. i see her this morning as we do every monday and she was trying to be a bitch to me. imagine that. i decided before work that i was going to play with her. i was definitely going to rapidly push away and discontinue any friendship, but act normal during work hours. i knew the guilt was consuming her and that she was going to bring it up. so, i acted normal while she tried to play the victim as if i was the one being mean to her. finally, at the end of the day the shit hit the fan. long story-short, i left her in the classroom crying. when you fuck with me i'm very calm and cold in my delivery, even in the face of tears. that shit doesn't work for me. i gave her the truth, all of it.
it feels good to tell someone exactly what i wanted to say.
the only thing that sucks is that we have to work together for the next 2 months. if it gets bad, i have no problem quiting.
i forgot to mention all of the other things this crazy girl has done. the things are too numerous, but lets just say she now has her hair exactly like mine, with new clothing that is EXACTLY like mine, and a new favorite color for the year which happens to be the color that is strewn all throughout my house(orange).
c-r-a-z-y
while i was away at my grandmother's funeral, keara, the teacher i teach with and girl that has decided to try to appropriate my life as hers, decided to call my boyfriend to see if he wanted to go bowling on sunday.
well, he saw through her intentions, and didn't go and also told me about it immediately. i returned on tuesday to several calls and text messages that continued through out the entire week. we didn't work because it was spring break. i respond a couple of times via text with short answers. she continued to hound me. i see her this morning as we do every monday and she was trying to be a bitch to me. imagine that. i decided before work that i was going to play with her. i was definitely going to rapidly push away and discontinue any friendship, but act normal during work hours. i knew the guilt was consuming her and that she was going to bring it up. so, i acted normal while she tried to play the victim as if i was the one being mean to her. finally, at the end of the day the shit hit the fan. long story-short, i left her in the classroom crying. when you fuck with me i'm very calm and cold in my delivery, even in the face of tears. that shit doesn't work for me. i gave her the truth, all of it.
it feels good to tell someone exactly what i wanted to say.
the only thing that sucks is that we have to work together for the next 2 months. if it gets bad, i have no problem quiting.
i forgot to mention all of the other things this crazy girl has done. the things are too numerous, but lets just say she now has her hair exactly like mine, with new clothing that is EXACTLY like mine, and a new favorite color for the year which happens to be the color that is strewn all throughout my house(orange).
c-r-a-z-y
Thursday, March 27, 2008
te quiero mucho
it's been a while.
my grandmother passed away this past thursday evening at 9:15pm. i was driving home from class, talking to mindy on the phone at about 9:15. she asked me about my grandmother and i told her that i wanted her to die because she was suffering so much and i knew she would never recover. a few minutes into the conversation i get a call from my mom and i answer it and she's sobbing, she died. i was in shock. immediately i wanted to take back that comment i made, that energy i put out into the universe. it was too late. i know she didn't die because of what i said. she was ready. she waited to see her three living children and when they left she passed. i got to talk to her on the phone earlier in the day. well, actually we didn't talk. my mom held the phone to her ear and took the oxygen mask off while i told her that i loved her very much and she responded with a couple of whimpers. her last words were "how bitter" meaning the water she was drinking and life itself. the nurse asked her if she wanted different water and she said, "no thank you." she closed her eyes and passed to the other side.
i miss her. she was a spoiled brat, but so hard to resist. she gave me so many things... love of plants and animals, cooking, art, beauty, and most importantly spirituality. she showed me that there is a different way from such a young age. she opened my eyes to the truth.
my grandmother passed away this past thursday evening at 9:15pm. i was driving home from class, talking to mindy on the phone at about 9:15. she asked me about my grandmother and i told her that i wanted her to die because she was suffering so much and i knew she would never recover. a few minutes into the conversation i get a call from my mom and i answer it and she's sobbing, she died. i was in shock. immediately i wanted to take back that comment i made, that energy i put out into the universe. it was too late. i know she didn't die because of what i said. she was ready. she waited to see her three living children and when they left she passed. i got to talk to her on the phone earlier in the day. well, actually we didn't talk. my mom held the phone to her ear and took the oxygen mask off while i told her that i loved her very much and she responded with a couple of whimpers. her last words were "how bitter" meaning the water she was drinking and life itself. the nurse asked her if she wanted different water and she said, "no thank you." she closed her eyes and passed to the other side.
i miss her. she was a spoiled brat, but so hard to resist. she gave me so many things... love of plants and animals, cooking, art, beauty, and most importantly spirituality. she showed me that there is a different way from such a young age. she opened my eyes to the truth.
Tuesday, March 4, 2008
i've got another midterm tonight and another due tomorrow. The one for tomorrow is a take home case study thing which is good. i worked on a 5 lesson unit plan the entire weekend. i also managed to run outside with mindy in the beautiful, sunny, 70* weather. we also went bowling on sunday. i hoovered around 100 points. last sunday i got a 140. that's the best i've ever done, ever.
things at work are going okay. keara has been sick and out the last two days. that really efs up the kids when we have someone new in the classroom. luckily yesterday we only had 5 kids since more than half were sick. today we had 8 and things were pretty bad when eliza tripped in the classroom and re-opened an old scab on her knee. wouldn't stop crying. the non stop crying really irritated "little keira" who can't handle loud noise. that set the tone for the entire day. it's was so damn awesome!!!!!! i didn't die from it, so that's okay i guess.
i suppose i should study some more.
tootles.
things at work are going okay. keara has been sick and out the last two days. that really efs up the kids when we have someone new in the classroom. luckily yesterday we only had 5 kids since more than half were sick. today we had 8 and things were pretty bad when eliza tripped in the classroom and re-opened an old scab on her knee. wouldn't stop crying. the non stop crying really irritated "little keira" who can't handle loud noise. that set the tone for the entire day. it's was so damn awesome!!!!!! i didn't die from it, so that's okay i guess.
i suppose i should study some more.
tootles.
Thursday, February 28, 2008
daily grind
so- i'm picking up another job. i'm going to be taking care of one of the little boys in the class i teach in from after school until 5:30. I will take him to his house and hang out until I have to go to class at 5:30 and be there(at class) until 8:45. I think it will be fine because after tomorrow I should be completely caught up with my appraisal work, so that will leave me with the additional hours to work. i like that boy and let's face it, i need the money honey.
i'm about to take an hour break/nap from studying for my midterm that i'm taking tonight. that will leave me with three hours to study. i think that should do it?
i'm about to take an hour break/nap from studying for my midterm that i'm taking tonight. that will leave me with three hours to study. i think that should do it?
Wednesday, February 20, 2008
nicaragua bitches
so we decided to go to nicaragua instead of thailand this summer. i’m excited about this because it means that mike and i will go alone instead of with two other couples which is how it was going to be if we went to thailand. i’m not big into doing things with couples. it just feels so freaking cheesy to me. i guess i should say it depends on the couple too, but generally it’s a big no. it’s going to be grrrreat. i think we’re going for 14 or 15 days. we are planning on backpacking for most of the trip and splurging for like 2 nights at a really nice place.
off to work!
off to work!
Tuesday, February 19, 2008
i'm glad
since i wrote that last blog, things just got uglier and uglier, until late sunday evening when mike decided he wanted the standoff to be over with. i've got stamina when it comes to these things and i will let them go on for months and even years if need be. i realize that that is not a good thing, but i absolutely can not help it.
to make a long story short, mike kept digging his grave deeper and deeper on a daily basis from wednesday evening until finally on sunday evening when he decided to stop.
i'm glad it's over with and i hope it doesn't happen again.
i'm about to go for my every 3,000 mile carwash and oil change that i get every 3,000miles. i'm excited about this. it makes me feel grown up for some reason.
mindy and i are running in the march of dimes st.patricks day 5k on march 7th. i'm very proud of us. we fell off the wagon for a little bit there when we both got sick, but we jumped right back on. we are pretty sure that we wont be able to run the entire 3 miles yet. we still have 7 more training sessions before the event, so i think we can get to at least 1.5 miles without stopping and then we can take a walking breather and run some more.
to make a long story short, mike kept digging his grave deeper and deeper on a daily basis from wednesday evening until finally on sunday evening when he decided to stop.
i'm glad it's over with and i hope it doesn't happen again.
i'm about to go for my every 3,000 mile carwash and oil change that i get every 3,000miles. i'm excited about this. it makes me feel grown up for some reason.
mindy and i are running in the march of dimes st.patricks day 5k on march 7th. i'm very proud of us. we fell off the wagon for a little bit there when we both got sick, but we jumped right back on. we are pretty sure that we wont be able to run the entire 3 miles yet. we still have 7 more training sessions before the event, so i think we can get to at least 1.5 miles without stopping and then we can take a walking breather and run some more.
Wednesday, February 13, 2008
disgusting
so- as i mentioned yesterday, mike and i were trying to decide where to go this weekend. well, mike decided that the selfish side of him is going to rear it's ugly head again. the whole point of this trip is that i have monday off and there for a long weekend to enjoy somewhere else. he let me know last night when we were trying to nail down where we were going that he was not going to take monday off of work. he has deadlines to meet that i just don't understand. i don't understand when a couple of weeks ago those self imposed deadlines went out of the window when he went to colorado for six days. he says it's a once in a lifetime opportunity to go to the x-games. you see, that's not true either. he went last year, this year, and will probably go next year. not a once in a life time opportunity my dear. that's what i call selfish. plain and simple. all i asked for was one day.
so the conclusion of this situation is that i am still going out of town. i'm going either with mindy or by myself. either one sounds just as fun to me. if mindy comes with we're going to atlanta. if she doesn't come with i think i'll go to jacksonville and check it out. or maybe atlanta. of course i'm taking candy and lewy with me too.
i had to vent my disgust with mike's selfish ways.
so the conclusion of this situation is that i am still going out of town. i'm going either with mindy or by myself. either one sounds just as fun to me. if mindy comes with we're going to atlanta. if she doesn't come with i think i'll go to jacksonville and check it out. or maybe atlanta. of course i'm taking candy and lewy with me too.
i had to vent my disgust with mike's selfish ways.
Tuesday, February 12, 2008
napsynaparoosky
we're trying to get out of town this coming weekend since i have monday off of work. we are trying to decide between atlanta, charleston, jacksonville, or myrtle beach. they are all within 3 hours of here and the weather is going to be about the same in all of the places. although, i'm leaning closer to myrtle beach since i've never been.
mindy and i are back on the 5k training schedule. we had a little hang up because of sickness, but that's all done now.
i'm going to go take a naparoo before class. i can't keep my eyes open. i'll just have to do my appraisal work after class. i can't efing wait!
mindy and i are back on the 5k training schedule. we had a little hang up because of sickness, but that's all done now.
i'm going to go take a naparoo before class. i can't keep my eyes open. i'll just have to do my appraisal work after class. i can't efing wait!
Saturday, February 9, 2008
fabulash
i ordered a pair of fabulash sandals from delias today. i can't wait to get them! they are gold and awesome.
i just tried to find a picture of them that i could put on here, but no such luck.
i just tried to find a picture of them that i could put on here, but no such luck.
Tuesday, February 5, 2008
flip flop
i'm not going to class tonight. i just don't feel like it.
i want my mom to come visit soon. i miss her.
today was hot here and i want to go buy some flip flops.
my head still feels like it's full of junk.
i think i'll have some tea.
i want my mom to come visit soon. i miss her.
today was hot here and i want to go buy some flip flops.
my head still feels like it's full of junk.
i think i'll have some tea.
Monday, February 4, 2008
oh yeah
johanna's birthday diner:
mixed greens salad with champagne dressing
spanish fish in a sack served with safron yellow rice
parchment paper
1 pound ready-trimmed green beans, available in produce department, halved on an angle across
8 anchovy fillets, optional
4 large garlic cloves, minced
16 strips thinly sliced pimientos or roasted red pepper
1/2 cup pitted chopped good quality black olives, such as kalamata
2 pounds cod fillets, cut into 4 portions (get thick pieces from the center cuts rather than tail-end pieces) or, 4 red snapper fillets, 8 ounces each
Salt and pepper
4 scallions, chopped
1/4 cup flat leaf parsley, a generous handful, chopped
Extra-virgin olive oil, for generous drizzling
1 lemon, zested and juiced
sweet mascarpone and berries with marsala
2 cups mascarpone cheese
1/2 cup confectioners' sugar
1 tablespoon orange or lemon zest
1 package ladyfingers
1 pint strawberries
2 teaspoons sugar
1/4 cup Marsala wine
mixed greens salad with champagne dressing
spanish fish in a sack served with safron yellow rice
parchment paper
1 pound ready-trimmed green beans, available in produce department, halved on an angle across
8 anchovy fillets, optional
4 large garlic cloves, minced
16 strips thinly sliced pimientos or roasted red pepper
1/2 cup pitted chopped good quality black olives, such as kalamata
2 pounds cod fillets, cut into 4 portions (get thick pieces from the center cuts rather than tail-end pieces) or, 4 red snapper fillets, 8 ounces each
Salt and pepper
4 scallions, chopped
1/4 cup flat leaf parsley, a generous handful, chopped
Extra-virgin olive oil, for generous drizzling
1 lemon, zested and juiced
sweet mascarpone and berries with marsala
2 cups mascarpone cheese
1/2 cup confectioners' sugar
1 tablespoon orange or lemon zest
1 package ladyfingers
1 pint strawberries
2 teaspoons sugar
1/4 cup Marsala wine
guess i'll find out
i didn't go to work today because although i am feeling better, i'm still not up to dealing with two year olds. and also i don't want to get them sick. by better i mean i no longer have a fever and headache and bed/clothes soaking sweats. i just feel like i'm high and my body hurts.
so, tonight mike's mom is coming over for her birthday diner that has been put off since january 23rd. i felt bad postponing it again, so here we are. not only am i cooking dinner, but i'm about to mop and clean the house. i'm hoping that doing all of this shit doesn't postpone my getting better.
so, tonight mike's mom is coming over for her birthday diner that has been put off since january 23rd. i felt bad postponing it again, so here we are. not only am i cooking dinner, but i'm about to mop and clean the house. i'm hoping that doing all of this shit doesn't postpone my getting better.
Saturday, February 2, 2008
i can't help but wonder
it's crazy. it's been almost three and a half years since i broke up with my ex, but i still wonder sometimes if he cheated on me. i will never forget when he said, out of no where, "you know lisa is a slut. you were right." this was right after i got back from panama after being there for three months. lisa was his friend that i didn't trust.
i just wonder sometimes.
i just wonder sometimes.
what goes around comes around
sooo-now i'm sick.
it's annoying.
i am so tired of being sick. i would like to go an entire week without being sick PLEASE. it's saturday and i want to do stuff. i think i can because i'm just feeling neck and back pain, headache, caughing, and stuffy nose. it's not as bad as it sounds, as long as i take the extra strength/rapid release/tylenol. it staves off the headache and the body pain.
mindy is sick too, so we are going to try to go to breakfast in about half hour so that we can infect others.
things i should do today:
make phone calls
put clean clothes away
do assignment for disablities class
buy a container for the dog food
it's annoying.
i am so tired of being sick. i would like to go an entire week without being sick PLEASE. it's saturday and i want to do stuff. i think i can because i'm just feeling neck and back pain, headache, caughing, and stuffy nose. it's not as bad as it sounds, as long as i take the extra strength/rapid release/tylenol. it staves off the headache and the body pain.
mindy is sick too, so we are going to try to go to breakfast in about half hour so that we can infect others.
things i should do today:
make phone calls
put clean clothes away
do assignment for disablities class
buy a container for the dog food
Thursday, January 31, 2008
maaan
mike got back from the winter x games late monday night. i was excited for his return since he had been gone for 6 days, unitl he promptly got sick. really sick. i've never seen him so sick. 102* fevers, caughing, aching back, whine whineWHINE! you see, my dad used to always whine and say he was sick and this was hurting and that was aching and whine whineWHINE! so, because of that i kind of get pissed when people get sick. i just don't want to hear it. i'll give you what you need, but i certainly don't want to hear any whining coming from you. at all. please. thank you.
i do feel bad for him. i want him to get all better. not just for my sake.
on top of him being sick, i have 8 hour work days, and then 3 hour classes and work for those classes, and life, and not enough sleep.
i do feel bad for him. i want him to get all better. not just for my sake.
on top of him being sick, i have 8 hour work days, and then 3 hour classes and work for those classes, and life, and not enough sleep.
Monday, January 28, 2008
keep on truckin'
i've always had kind of a lackadaisical view on the negative things that happen in life. like, why let this event fuck everything up when you've got 70 years ahead of you? just keep on truckin'. probably because i went through more than the average joe the first ten years of my life.
i just think that you make your own reality. what you put out there is exactly what's gonna' come your way. if you think that you are fat and ugly, then that's what people are going to think about you too. mindy and i were talking about this the other day when we saw a sad, ugly, fat girl at a restaurant. she was sitting slumped over with zero confidence while her "skinny, pretty friend" talked to the guys at the table. if she carried herself with grace and confidence people would respect her and not think that she was sad, fat, and ugly. if she didn't make self deprecating comments people wouldn't run the other way. it just seems like such a simple concept to me. i guess everybody has their particular journey in life and for some people it's figuring out that if they don't love themselves nobody is going to do it for them.
just some thoughts i've been having.
i just think that you make your own reality. what you put out there is exactly what's gonna' come your way. if you think that you are fat and ugly, then that's what people are going to think about you too. mindy and i were talking about this the other day when we saw a sad, ugly, fat girl at a restaurant. she was sitting slumped over with zero confidence while her "skinny, pretty friend" talked to the guys at the table. if she carried herself with grace and confidence people would respect her and not think that she was sad, fat, and ugly. if she didn't make self deprecating comments people wouldn't run the other way. it just seems like such a simple concept to me. i guess everybody has their particular journey in life and for some people it's figuring out that if they don't love themselves nobody is going to do it for them.
just some thoughts i've been having.
bugs
i had the oddest feeling this morning. it was like i had slept maybe an hour and tried to wake up to go to work, but really i slept 6 hours, which isn't too bad. i was completely exhausted. i'm not sure if i'm about to get this stomach flu bug thing that has been going around our class and now the other two year old class. so far 6 out of 11 people(including teachers) from my class have had it. it involves uncontrollable vomiting for 24 to 48 hours. nice. i'm excited.
keara said she felt exhausted before she actually began to vomit.
i guess time will tell.
keara said she felt exhausted before she actually began to vomit.
i guess time will tell.
Friday, January 25, 2008
wha
i am so very tired. and it's only the begining of the semester. last time wasn't so hard probably because it was the first semester and there were a couple of bull shit classes, but this time all three of them are on graduate level degree of hardness. so i have school and two jobs. i am so behind in the appraisal job that i'm just waiting for that phone call to let me know that they've found someone else. i'm not sleeping very well at night either. it's because of the stress. working and going to school is hard. wha.
Thursday, January 24, 2008
it's a pretty good day
'realize what a great day you are having before it's too late'
that's what my horoscope said today. so here i am, 10:33am and i'm realizing it. so far, i woke up an hour ago, it's my day off. i made coffee and had some coffee cake with it. i wrote my broker at KW to let her know that i want to move my license to inactive status or to the referral company. i've been putting that one off for a while. i'm about to vacuum with my new vacuum. then i'm going to shower and go make copies for my other job. i need to get stuff ready for class tonight as well. today is a pretty good day.
that's what my horoscope said today. so here i am, 10:33am and i'm realizing it. so far, i woke up an hour ago, it's my day off. i made coffee and had some coffee cake with it. i wrote my broker at KW to let her know that i want to move my license to inactive status or to the referral company. i've been putting that one off for a while. i'm about to vacuum with my new vacuum. then i'm going to shower and go make copies for my other job. i need to get stuff ready for class tonight as well. today is a pretty good day.
Monday, January 21, 2008
i must, imust
mindy and i continue on our 5k training schedule. i'm proud of us because this morning it was 22* wind chill out there and we still went for our training. For one, that is very cold for savannah. and for two, we both hate cold weather. today is a great day because i don't have work nor school. i will feel like a house wife today. exercise, clean, cook...
i'm going to make baked rigatoni bolognese tonight.
we went bowling last night for the sunday dollar deal thing they have going. a lot of people went. there were 11 that we actually invited and more that those people invited. well, i'm annoyed because we asked our neighbors if they wanted to come last time and at first they were all about it, but then they copped out. that's fine. then this sunday mike called them to see if they wanted to come and they were like, "yeah, our friends from that one diner are going so we are going with them." i didn't think it was too big of a deal until they practically ignored us when they were there and then they just left without saying bye. they're annoying. fukin' dorks.
i have some phone calls looming over my head that have been doing so for several months. today is the day i need to make them. i must.
i'm going to make baked rigatoni bolognese tonight.
we went bowling last night for the sunday dollar deal thing they have going. a lot of people went. there were 11 that we actually invited and more that those people invited. well, i'm annoyed because we asked our neighbors if they wanted to come last time and at first they were all about it, but then they copped out. that's fine. then this sunday mike called them to see if they wanted to come and they were like, "yeah, our friends from that one diner are going so we are going with them." i didn't think it was too big of a deal until they practically ignored us when they were there and then they just left without saying bye. they're annoying. fukin' dorks.
i have some phone calls looming over my head that have been doing so for several months. today is the day i need to make them. i must.
Friday, January 18, 2008
it's fridayeah
i bought candy, my 17 year old dog, a valentines hoodie today. it's nice.
also, when i'm bored i google different variations of "boxer". today it was "black boxer dog". isn't that weird?
also, also, i'm making fajitas for diner tonight. by the time i grill the steak it will have been marinating for 5 hours. i'm going to go get some avocados so i can make guacamole.
also, also, also, michael is further melting my heart daily. last night we got into an argument that began with normal bickering and quickly escalated into a harsh exchange of words, in public. i decided i was going to ignore him until he apologized and i figured that wouldn't happen until the next day after i dragged it out of him. i festered furiously inside for a few minutes when he said to me, "jaz, i'm sorry i talked to you that way." i couldn't believe it. a heartfelt apology was all it took and we proceeded to have a wonderful diner. nice.
also, when i'm bored i google different variations of "boxer". today it was "black boxer dog". isn't that weird?
also, also, i'm making fajitas for diner tonight. by the time i grill the steak it will have been marinating for 5 hours. i'm going to go get some avocados so i can make guacamole.
also, also, also, michael is further melting my heart daily. last night we got into an argument that began with normal bickering and quickly escalated into a harsh exchange of words, in public. i decided i was going to ignore him until he apologized and i figured that wouldn't happen until the next day after i dragged it out of him. i festered furiously inside for a few minutes when he said to me, "jaz, i'm sorry i talked to you that way." i couldn't believe it. a heartfelt apology was all it took and we proceeded to have a wonderful diner. nice.
Wednesday, January 16, 2008
i feel better already
since i had a bit of a stressful day and on top of that it's grey outside i decided to focus on the positive. here's a list of 15 things i am thankful for today:
1. the geico gecko that mike put on my laptop
2. a warm house
3. mona's snoring
4. getting into the class i need
5. the professor i met last night that i really enjoyed
6. thailand trip
7. mike
8. finding my car in the parking garage
9. saigon leftovers
10. having money for gas
11. talking to my mom today
12. getting a full night of sleep last night
13. not working at the p-school tomorrow
14. regular bowel movements
15. and not giving in to the chikfila temptation today
1. the geico gecko that mike put on my laptop
2. a warm house
3. mona's snoring
4. getting into the class i need
5. the professor i met last night that i really enjoyed
6. thailand trip
7. mike
8. finding my car in the parking garage
9. saigon leftovers
10. having money for gas
11. talking to my mom today
12. getting a full night of sleep last night
13. not working at the p-school tomorrow
14. regular bowel movements
15. and not giving in to the chikfila temptation today
Tuesday, January 15, 2008
fun stuff
we organized a night of bowling this past sunday. $1 games, shoes, popcorn, and hot dogs; and they serve booze that is more than a dollar. it was so much fun that we are making it a regular sunday thing. i was the best girl bowler of course. no, i don't want to jinx myself. knock on wood or something. i'm hoping we, meaning I get to the point where i will get my own ball and shoes and bag. oh yess.
also, mindy and i began our 5k training schedule today. it's supposed to have us from the couch to running a 5k in 9 weeks. we are excited. after the 5k we plan on moving on to a 10k, then a half marathon and then a full marathon by next year this time.
also, mindy and i began our 5k training schedule today. it's supposed to have us from the couch to running a 5k in 9 weeks. we are excited. after the 5k we plan on moving on to a 10k, then a half marathon and then a full marathon by next year this time.
Monday, January 14, 2008
just thinking
isn't it strange that the closest people to you, the ones you trust and love the most are the ones that hurt you the most? it's just a thought about humanity. i'm just in one of those moods when i ask myself is this real? this thing we call life? i don't think i will ever reach the expectations i had as a child for how life should be. i look at my mom and i know that she never imagined nor wanted her life to be the way it is. that scares me. we all want to be happy and don't think that we will be one of those unfortunate ones that end up unhappy. i'm slowly realizing that i will probably never be happy in the way that i've imagined or dreamed happy to be my entire life. but i also think that i'm growing up and seeing happy from a different perspective.
just some thoughts.
just some thoughts.
Monday, January 7, 2008
yesssss
i'm so happy. the last few months have been really splendid between mike and i. truly. i feel like his approach to conflict has changed, for the better, and i love it. i love him.
Thursday, January 3, 2008
it's been a while
the holidays were great this year. spent time with the fam and mike in dallas for the christmas part of it. very relaxed and i wasn't mean to my mom, that's usually a struggle. it really was great. the new years part was splendid too. we went to asheville to stay at a house that we rented that was at the top of a mountain. the view was amazing. we went snowboarding and i fell alot. i'm still learning.
now we are back to real life. work commenced on january 2nd and school will begin next week.
i'm going to go eat some leftovers. i'm hungry.
i don't want to take down christmas decorations this weekend.
now we are back to real life. work commenced on january 2nd and school will begin next week.
i'm going to go eat some leftovers. i'm hungry.
i don't want to take down christmas decorations this weekend.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)