i'm kind of a bitch

mike's brother just got married to a ukranian gal in the ukraine. they wanted to have a ceremony here in the u.s. of a. with her family here as well. well, they couldn't get a visa to visit. the gov was convinced they would immigrate here. the gal, ina, couldn't even get a visa. well, mike's mom began a letter writing campaign to her senators and congressmen. i thought this was ridiculous of course, and a part of me wanted them to get denied again just so that they could see how ridiculous their attempts were. their not personal friends of these senators or congressmen by the way. well, they went and met on tuesday with the embassy, again, letters in hand, and they were granted their visas, all of them. they will be here on thanksgiving day. isn't that insane? they said yes to them on tuesday and they will be here on thursday?
when it's all said and done i'm actually very happy that they will indeed be here. it will certainly liven up thanksgiving.

streaming

today, drake tried to eat food out of the trash can.

this weekend is going to be a great one. lot's of plans.
i'm wondering where we should go eat tonight before we go out? i'm not sure what i'm feeling. maybe carlitos or molly mcphearson's. i just want mike to get here before i get tired and change my mind. no, that's not going to happen. i've been looking forward to this day, friday, all week.

i tired

i leave my pre-school job feeling dazed every single time. not only dazed but, exhausted and with a head ache and a feeling that i can't do anything else but sleep or sit and stare off into space. today after work we had a conference with one of the girls mom. the little girl's name is drake and she is quite the challenge. my job is to restrain this two year old, in her seat, while she eats so that she doesn't steal food from the other kids or eat off of the floor or god knows what else.
i tired

i did't get much done today afterall. i went and got my pills, then i got my oil changed and car washed, then i ate lunch that included beans of course. that's pretty much all i did. oh, and i took a nap. i'm still not feeling 100%.

last night i made my very first homemade apple pie. i even made the crust. it turned out delicious.
i've decided that this year for christmas gifts i'm going to bake stuff. mike's mom and dad, billy and amy, mindy, and john and jessica(our neighbors). my sister in law really likes a bread pudding i make and asks me to make it every time she sees me. i think i'll make her one and also make her a recipe card. don't lose it this time bitch. :) i'm going to get mike three things. if he reads this somehow, then it's ruined, but that will be his fault for being nosey. i'm going to order him some custom vans from their website, a massage package(he's been wanting this for along time), and a fishing reel(he also wants this) and if i have some extra money i'll get him a few other small things. i was going to get him a digital camera and the massage thing, but he went and bought one a few weeks ago. i'm going to give my mom an album from our spain trip. i'm going to give mason what i wanted to give him for his birthday. (ha!)
okay. i'm going to make myself some echinacia tea for class.

update

real quick:
candy has bounced back yet again
fiber's working
still trying with the water thing

for some reason

i'm in a good mood today. i think it's because i have my first paid vacation day today since it's veteran's day, or maybe it's because we did the nasty in the middle of the night last night. what i mean is i was sound asleep and suddenly we were gettin' dirty. that's my favorite. to be honest, that's pretty much the only time i really enjoy sex, unless it's one of those rare occasions when i'm in the mood during waking hours for some reason. i've come up with a theory for why this is. i think it's because my guard is down and i'm feeling less inhibited. it's pretty strange. maybe i should see a sex therapist about it? maybe it's because i'm kind of a bitter person and it's difficult to make me happy when you're in a relationship with me. if the day has gone perfectly, and he's done everything right, then and only then am i randy. i'm difficult to please, on many levels.
so, since the courthouse is closed today too, i guess i can't work on that. i need to work on my school projects. i'll do the lesson plan that's due on wednesday and then i'll finish the demographics project that's due...sometime soon. i also want to go walking around the park. i'm going to try to do four miles. i'm worried that exercise will make me sicker though. i guess i'll find out. i also want to check out this new bakery that opened up downtown. i don't know if i'll do that. i can already feel my motivation melting away as i sit here. oh! i need to take lewy to the park too. and most importantly, i need to go pick up some birth control.
1.shower
2.birth control
3.lewy park
4.school projects
5.me park
6.class

true romance

i woke up feeling worse today. last night we went to the blues and barbecue festival. it was 42* and smoky(our friends were constantly smoking). it probably wasn't a great idea, but whatev. here i am laying on the couch, feeling shitty. i'm watching my favorite movie, true romance. i'm not quite sure why i love it so much. i think it's because it's such a passionate love story. i love it.
sometimes i think that if i didn't have a mom to disappoint my life would be very different. i've always felt that way. oh, their having sex in the phone booth! one of my favorite parts! oh no, now the dad is about to get tortured and killed. i hate this part. it makes me cry.

baby bumble bee

as i fully expected, i have a runny nose, and i'm pissed. it better not turn into a full on cold.
i have a lot on the brain right now. the end of the semester is fast approaching and i have eight projects/papers due in the the next few weeks. i just worked on one of them today and i have the planning stage finished. now i just have to go to class and assemble it on monday. only seven more to go!
i'm going to dallas for christmas. i'm excited to go visit my moms. i'll be there for six days. i'm not sure how long mike will go for. i like how i get paid vacation with this new job. i don't like how i'm already sick and how i have childrens songs stuck in my head constantly "i'm bringing home a baby bumble bee. won't my mama be so proud of me. 'cause i'm bringin' home a baby ..." yeah, annoying.

all i can say

is wow. today was my first day at the "children's school", and i'm ready for a nap. my classroom consists of ten 2 year olds. i'm the 3rd teacher they hired for the class because the other two just aren't enough. i've already picked my favorites out of the bunch, but i have to say that even the main brat is kind of cute sometimes. i was basically there to stop them from hitting each other, making sure they stay seated when they are supposed to and that usually means going after them and picking them up or dragging them back to their seats, wiping snot off their faces, wiping food off their faces and hands, changing diapers, and singing songs.
i'm seriously going to go take a nap right now.

christ church

i'm a little awkward in some social situations. i have been my entire life. this brings me to the most recent social situation that i was dreading. i offered to give this girl a ride home after our group met after class. i don't know why i did this, but i did. i was dreading it because i think we've spoken like three words to each other previously and we had to ride in the car for at least 20 minutes and think of things to say to each other. it ended up going just fine, of course. i might get a job out of it. she works at a private day care/pre k that happens to be looking for somebody right now. she told me to definitely call them and that they would love me. i'm about to call them. the only thing i'm worried about is that it's a religion based thing and i'm scared their going to ask me questions about my beliefs. chances are they won't like my reply.
this high fiber diet i'm doing doesn't seem to be doing the trick for me. i'm going to give it another week to see if my body adjust to having more fiber in it. and really, it's not high fiber, it's normal fiber, but i wasn't eating the 21-23 grams that i'm supposed to eat everyday. by the way, it's really difficult to eat that much fiber in one day. you pretty much have to eat fiber in every meal. a good thing that is coming out of it is that i'm eating more nutritiously because i need to fit it in. for instance, the other day i made greek burgers for dinner and usually i would have made fries with it. well, since i needed more fiber i made black beans instead of fries. also, yesterday i wanted something sweet, so i ate an apple.
i'm going walking with mindy tonight. last time we walked 3.5 miles. my butt is sore. isn't that just pitiful?! since when do i get sore from WALKING. so annoying. she wants me to do power burn yoga with her. i don't know about that. i told her i need to walk for a while and get back into "exercise" first.

i don't know

i hate to verbalize this.
the moment i've been dreading for most of my life is drawing very near. i can feel it. this morning i was watching candy trying to eat, struggling to keep her back legs from slipping out from under her, but to no avail. eventually she sat down to eat. i just picked her up, hugged her, and cried. i don't want to have to put her to sleep, but i also don't want her to suffer. i was looking at dog wheel chairs online today. all the dogs look happy in the pictures, but of course they can see. i think that if i get her one it will just cause her more trouble. the other thing is that when i put her outside her legs don't slide out because their is more friction, but you can see her legs shaking because she is trying with all her might to stay standing. she's lost so much muscle over the last year and a half.
i just don't know what to do. death is such a terrible thing to go through.