back to black

i recently downloaded back to black by amy winehouse and it's my fave of the moment. the one song that they play on the radio is pretty annoying(gona take me back to rehab and i saya no no no), but the rest of the stuff is awesome. i would describe it as modern jazz/loungy music. i love it. i wish i had her anorexic looking legs. she has like a foot and a half of space in between her thighs.

i got a tetanus shot today for my armstrong atlantic immunizations. it's been about ten years since i last got any shots and it's a weird feeling. i could feel it spreading in my arm. it's also a weird feeling when you have a sneaky suspicion that you're getting fat. it's really hard to tell i think. i also think i have a distorted body image. i change my mind daily about what i think my body looks like. i was anorexic for about a year when i was 20 years old. i weighed about 35-40 lbs. less than i do now. even then i found something to scrutinize. one of the things that bothered me about that is that everybody thought i looked soo good, but little did they know that i was so sick. it was terrible. during the week i would go to class then sleep any time i was at home because i didn't have any energy to move, except of course to go exercise at night when nobody was in my apartment gym. on the weekends i would go out in denton and drink beer. my body was showing signs of severe mal nutrition; dry/brittle hair, shiny tongue, easily bruising skin... those are the ones i remember off hand. i would tan so that i had some color. i would go days without eating and when i did eat a little bit i would try to throw up and end up throwing up blood. i even began to think that water was making me fat. it really got bad and yet nobody noticed. i kept the secret very well. my mom was so proud of how skinny i was. that still pisses me off to this day.
wow. i wasn't expecting to write about that. hmm.